SEARCHING FOR FREEDOM

This story is talking about a hard life , about things you may never hear about, things that you don’t want to hear about.

This story is not to make you sad but it is written to show you that life isn’t too easy , that life can be that hard that you don’t want to go on. When you reach that point where you want to quit , where you can not see anything nice in your life when you think that life is so miserable and it doesn’t worth living for it.

This is a story that shows you that you shouldn’t give up , But you should take and look for every chance you find because this might be your only opportunity .It shows us

that it is the way things go. Sometimes this chance never comes so look for it because the chance might come once in a life time. It shows us how love can truly be and how hatred can really grow.

                                                                                       “BLACK IS BEAUTIFUL

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                                                                                  A HARD LIFE

I grew up in a place where not everyone took his rights. A very hard place to live in . A place where you hardly find food where you easily can get killed, where you also can taste the sorrows of the people living around you. I realized this since I was five. Since I began to work too hard so I saw how my fathers and grandfathers did get us food to eat.

For me as a small kid I never had friends to play with. I never saw these toys the boys in my age played with !! I always liked to sit and watch the sun set. I thought that it is the best symbol for freedom. It reminded me with what we couldn’t make. Set our selves free!!

Anyway  it went on this way till I was sixteen. I began to think of running away but it was forbidden I tried to once but they caught me two months later after that they cut my leg my right one. That was one thing the other thing is : they let me without food for one week.

I suffered a lot and I didn’t think of running away again. Afterwards they bought me a wooden leg in order to work.

Nothing has changed during this time but after a while my father had a terrible disease. The doctors didn’t know how to cure it so I had the feeling that we are going to loose him soon. I thought that he was going to leave me with my five brothers and my four sisters. I was the eldest so it was my duty after wards to get them food and money. But I never forgot the talk between me and my grandfather before he died. He told me “ son don’t live the same way I lived. Search for your freedom and fight for it if you had to. I lived as a slave and I am dying now as a slave. Don’t live the same way son you’ve got a hole life in front of you”

I never forgot his words and I always thought of it and wanted to find a way to get out of this place.

                                                                                     MR. LUCAS’ DAUGHTER

It was a different day. It didn’t seem to me like any other day I lived on this farm because I saw something I never dreamt of. That new beautiful girl I saw. I never saw her before. I looked in her eyes I saw eyes shining like the sun. I saw her lips, she was nothing but beautiful. I thought that I was in love at first sight. Anyway .. although she was white she seemed to be different really different. Not like all the others. I don’t know why but it was just a feeling.

She was the daughter of the farm owner. I heard that she lived in a huge city in the north called New York.

As a fact I always thought of running away north because a lot of refugees succeeded and began a new life with a new concept. FREEDOM.

I always thought of my destiny and what could have happened if I left my brothers and ran away. I was their only hope to get them out of that place. They only counted on me and that scared me a lot.

That’s why I never took the decision of running away again.

I didn’t want to leave them but in the same time I was trying to get closer to a solution.

I didn’t want to be selfish and leave them alone. That never could’ve been  the right solution although a lot of other friends did take it , and what if they caught me again. perhaps that time I could’ve get my self killed but my father told me that I should fight for our freedom and sacrifice if I had to for me and my family. If I only could find a solution to get them out of this place with me.

……….

Two days later I was cleaning one of the horses and I was too busy. I was also tired . for me it was another day of those miserable days until she came in.

From that moment a lot of things a lot of things have changed in my life. I couldn’t differ whether she came into the stable or into my life and changed everything .

When she came she stared a bit at me while I was doing my job. I tried to show how precise and good I am at work. After a while she asked me: “ What is your name?” I answered: “ I don’t know my miss but they call me in the farm West.”

She exclaimed: “ how come you don’t have your own name? you are a human being. They took all your rights and they want to take your names too. Well, my name is Susan and I am Mr. Lucas’ daughter. I think you know that, don’t you?”

“ Yes, miss. Of course”

“ so tell me. What are the names  of these horses”

“ this one is Bunny .. the brown one is Speedy and this is my favorite one, Blacky”

“ So who chose their names. You??”

“Yes miss.”

“ Ok, got to go now. It was nice meeting you Mr. West”

“ It was a great honor for me miss, thank you”

“I’m sure I will see you later”

That day I didn’t sleep well because I thought about this conversation and how it went between us!! It was a pity that I didn’t talk with her a bit longer.

Anyway the next day I thought about my situation hardly because there was no use of dreaming such dreams although I know that love between us impossible. Is she going to love a slave? Never.. she’s a rich  beautiful girl. Why will she love someone like me??

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                                                            THE DECISION

After this talk with her I had a feeling that she can help me get out of this farm. Hope showed up once again.

She was  nice to me and she came to the stable from time to time and asked me about my family and my father. She was interested in hearing stories about my old African grandfathers and their believes. She also asked me whether I wanted to leave the place there and whether I hate her father or not. I didn’t answer such questions because I was afraid. I couldn’t trust her. She was Mr. Lucas’ daughter this didn’t help.

But after sometime I trusted her more and more so I started to talk about my dreams and leaving the place. I talked a lot about the search for freedom.

Her father got afraid of these long talks between us and started to torture me in different ways. He didn’t give me food to eat and he let me work much more than the others but I didn’t care. When he found out that the situation didn’t get better but actually the opposite. His daughter started to fight him and came to see me everyday.

One day she came with some good news. She told me that the English army stopped the slave trade and gave a lot of slaves their freedom. During that too many slaves did leave the farms and ran away to the north. Some English ships stopped the Americans ships and freed the slaves on them.

Her father didn’t stop his cruelness but he became much more stricter with us. He always tried to get between us. He felt the danger coming. His daughter began to hate the way he treated us.

She wanted to help me so much but I always said that she should help us all not only one of us. She wanted to help me run away. I denied.

………………………

The next morning she came again to the stable. I held her hands and touched her straight hair smoothly. She looked into my eyes, she whispered and said “I’m afraid.” I told her: “Don’t be afraid as long as I love you. Don’t be afraid. Since the first time I saw you I have this best feeling ever. I always wanted to be with you.”

She went on whispering: “ I love you West and I don’t want anything to come between our love”

“But I’m black and you’re white.. I’m poor and you’re rich. There is no way we can get together.”

“No, there is. If you really believe in our love we’ll get over it. Let’s run away West. Let’s go to the north and search for your freedom. Let us start a new life. I don’t care for the money I only care for you. I love you. I really do.”

“ I do believe in our love but things are happening too fast. I’m afraid that your feelings aren’t right. You must be sure.”

“ I am. Believe me I feel it. I know that you are the one I always wanted.”

“ I’m telling you ,going on with me is gonna be harder than you ever thought”

“I’m not afraid and I will go on with you”

“But what about my brothers and sisters. I can’t leave them alone. And how are we going to get out of here?”

“Look my darling. You said it yourself. You must sacrifice sometimes to get the freedom and it is the same to get your love!”

“I can’t leave them alone. They count on me.” I shouted“

“Me too! I count on you! If they run away with us they will get caught and they aren’t strong enough to survive such a long journey. They will find a way out of here, I promise.”

“Ok, we’re out of here and …Tonight “

That day was the longest day ever. And I never thought that this would be the beginning of a journey that changed my life forever…..

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                                                                 LEAVING THE FARM

I went to my brothers and sisters. We talked for sometime then I told them that I was going to leave that night. They didn’t accept the idea but I promised them that they will soon be set free.

Night came and we had to leave at midnight before the sun rises to be sure no one sees us. Susan took her clothes and gave me some of her fathers clothes because I didn’t have enough to wear. We left the farm and began to run. I was very happy but in the same time worried. I asked my self a lot of questions..

What was going to happen to my brothers? Was Mr. Lucas going to kill them. What if I couldn’t help them as I said. What if  they caught us? What would’ve happened to Susan. I didn’t want her to get hurt. I preferred to die than hurting her.

I didn’t know where we were going. I held her hands the hole way. I felt her fear. Her hands were that cold like ice. I asked her: “ Are you afraid?”

She answered with a trembling voice: “ Yes, I’m afraid that they might catch us.”

“Don’t be afraid. We took the decision and I believe that we have to fight for our rights. I believe that we shouldn’t fear death if it is the way to get our freedom. Don’t be scared my love. I will always be there for you.”  

“That is what I am afraid of! I don’t want to lose you for a mad act we’ve done.”

“ No, darling it is my pleasure to die for you. That is going to be the sweetest death ever”

“No, either we die together or live together. I can’t imagine my life without you.”

“Don’t be afraid. We will always be together. Forever and for always.. with our hearts.”

 …………………………………..

Later we stopped at the railway station. I was dressed as a woman so that they couldn’t recognize me. We were sure that her father has sent men after us. We bought two tickets to South Dakota. It was a long trip from Georgia to there.

The tickets were third class tickets. It was my first time in the train so I had strange feeling in my stomach. I was a bit scared because it went very fast.

Seven hours later we stopped in Missouri. So we went to a bar to get something to eat.

When we went into the bar people looked at me strangely. Two men were watching me all the time. They came with guns in there hands and ordered me to get out of the bar immediately. Unfortunately I took off my disguise two hours ago so they recognized that I am a black salve with a white woman. That was odd. Women didn’t travel with black men as their slaves. I told him that I won’t leave. So he reloaded his gun to scare me but I didn’t move a bit and stayed in my place.

The man shouted: “ Get out  of here Negro. Such places are too clean for you.” I didn’t answer, so he got nervous and started to call other men to come and beat me up. He shouted once again: “ I can kill you with this gun and I will be proud while I am feeding my dog your dead stinky body”

Susan stood up and said:” He won’t get out of here and I don’t think that you want to mess with the Lucas family, do you?”

The man left the table and came back with the bill. So we paid and left.

I was embarrassed because she was paying everything. That didn’t seem gentle to me. So we got on the train and began our journey to Dakota again.

While we were on board  some men were checking the seats. Susan knew them. They were her father’s men. Till this moment I don’t know how did they come that fast. I thought the best thing to do is getting off the train and take another train to anywhere else. She welcomed the idea and we started to think of a way to get out of the train without they take care of us and our fast movements in the train.

They were coming to our seat so she stood up and went to the toilette and asked me to follow her. So we moved fast to the other train.

We were lucky because they didn’t recognize us. At least we thought so at first but while we were buying other tickets I saw them running toward us so I told her and we began to look for the train very fast.  When we found it, the train was beginning to move so we jumped in it and we got away. Susan was very tired so she fell asleep. I started to think about the problems that we’ll probably face and how we should face it.

We started our journey to New York …in the search for freedom.

                                                     THOUGHTS OF THE PAST

I looked from the window and watched the dark clouds traveling very fast in the sky as if they were trying to catch us. I had this feeling that everybody is looking at me. That everybody want to catch me. On the way I saw Indian villages. Someone told me once that those Indians were tortured just like us till the many of them died.

I was tired so I slept for a while. I dreamt of my family, my father, the green fields {which I didn’t miss} and most of all I dreamt of her. I dreamt of being with her all the time.

I dreamt of the old times when I used to talk with my father about our real country and our grandfathers when we sat nights after work to teach me how to read and write.

When we talked about my mother who died when I was 14. Actually I had more memories with my father than my mother. My father told me that we were brought to America as slaves thirty five years ago. Mr. Lucas’ father bought my grandfather from an English man who was one of the most important sellers in the Atlantic. During that time Africans were brought with large numbers to America and mostly to the south where the farms were.

A lot of rich people lived in the south. The place there was like a prison for me than it was a place to work..

Although I lived in these farms for about 22 years I never swam in the river that passed near the place.

The owners always said you will dirty the river. Then our kids won’t be able to swim there again.

We’ve been through this kind of discrimination for about 150 years now and it didn’t stop. England started to free all the slaves and stopped the slave trade. I heard that a lot of  English men gained their money from the slave trade. As a fact not only English ,Americans too. I just couldn’t understand how come did they treat us like animals? There is no difference between us. The only difference is the skin color. In my opinion the only difference is their cruelness. We didn’t have this kind of cruelness they had.

I also found out that love is the best feeling ever. Who didn’t try it, has lost something important in his life.

It’s a mixture between love and care. A mixture that helps us make a lot of things and get through a lot of hard problems that seem to be impossible to face  at first sight.

Usually when I think about slavery now and what was happening years ago I believe that what made us win the bet at the end was our insistence to make a difference. To have the same rights every man had. It was like the matter of life and death. It was just like rapping a country but this time they didn’t rap our country but our humanity.

I learned from life that the strongest survives and who leaves his rights for the wolves of the community will always be a slave. I learned that life doesn’t fight for us but we must fight to take what we want to take and that a tough life makes a tough guy.

The moral of life is that souls must be given once or more so that  people get there freedom or find it. The first must sacrifice for the second to give him hope. To show him that there are things we must fight for and that it is worth it.

……………………………………………………………

I woke up in the evening. I saw the sunset from the window. The sunset I used to watch. The sunset that gave me hope and courage. We were near from New York.

Thirty minutes later we were there standing in the railway station and we had no money, nothing to eat and didn’t know what our destination  in this city was.

I hoped that I would find a job easily but that was just a hope because it seemed that it was going to be harder than ever.

The problem that we faced that night was finding a place to sleep in and without money we could’ve slept in the streets.

I asked her if she knew someone from New York because for somebody who lived his hole life there it was easy to find a friend who might help us.

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                                                                                                        THE FRIEND

So she told me that her best friend was not in the city but we could sleep in her house for one night. Unfortunately she was there in the house but not alone, That was the problem, Mr. Lucas was standing there in front of the door. I will never forget his eyes. They were filled with hate. As a matter of fact he reminded me with eagles. Don’t ask me why but he looked like an eagle in this moment.

Anyway when I got in he looked  

                                                                                              (the rest is still under construction)

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